Who You Will Become
Deciphering who you or the people you care about will become might seem like an attempt to peer into the unknowable, but in many ways it’s not.
There will obviously be some known-unknowns. These are things that you may know you don’t know – like which college you go to, for example. There will also be some unknown-unknowns about your future and the things that will shape you. These are the completely unpredictable things. Both of these things will play its part in shaping who we will become, but generally three known-knowns will by far have the greatest impact on who any of us become.
So what are these known-knowns that will so profoundly shape who we will be and so accurately predict who we will become?
Those three things are our habits, our closest relationships, and the culture that surrounds us. In other words, if you tell me what things you do every day or most days – whether you think of them as habits or not – who your five closest relationships are, and describe the culture of the place you are most invested in – your school, your work place, your family, your church, etc. – then I will pretty accurately be able to tell you what kind of person you will become.
Let’s not just leave this as an interesting thought, but really work it out – unravel the mystery of what kind of person you will be in ten or twenty years. I would suggest starting this exercise with a focus on yourself, but if you are dating it can be a helpful tool to think about who this person in your life is likely to become, and if you are a parent it can help you anticipate who your children will become and possibly think more deeply about what you are doing to shape them now.
Set aside about twenty minutes, get out a piece of paper and write these things down.
Habits. What are the things you do consistently or fairly consistently in your life? Do you cook, clean, take a shower, brush your teeth, exercise, eat well, go to work, go to school, read the Bible, pray, serve others, give money away, read to educate yourself, call your mom, check certain websites, watch TV, play video games, go to certain places, buy certain things, smoke, drink, etc. Write down as many things as you can think of – maybe include things you know are important but don’t do consistently, like brushing your teeth.
To go even deeper, write down your habits of thought, feeling, and attitude. What sorts of thoughts replay the most in your mind? What is your most common emotion? That is your most reoccurring attitude in a typical day.
Relationships. Who are the five people that you choose to spend most of your time with? What are the people like that you share your secrets, your hopes, dreams, and fears with? Describe their character, general behavior, outlook on life, values, habits, spiritual commitments, priorities, and aspirations.
Culture. This one might or might not be difficult to get an accurate assessment on your own. Often when we are inside a culture it is difficult for us to see it well enough to describe it, because for us it’s just normal and we don’t consider that things could be different. That in many ways is the power of culture. It defines what is accepted as normal. Your school, your church, your workplace, your industry, and your family all have a culture and the more time you spend in a particular culture, the more it will shape who you are, what you value, how you see the world and your place in it. Think about the primary culture where you spend your time and ask yourself how that culture defines success, what it defines as good, what does it value, what types relationship stories it treats as normal, how it encourages people to treat each other, what kind of actions or opinions it considers “outside” the norm, what types of people and behavior does it consider acceptable to criticize or praise, and what types of people and behavior does it consider unacceptable to criticize or praise. Could you describe what it means to be the most “normal” in this culture and what it would mean to be the most “abnormal” in this culture.
Once you have had a go at this, see if someone who is on the outside of this primary cultural environment of yours, but is still familiar with it, would answer these questions.
Now that you’ve done this for your life and possibly for the lives of your children or significant other, what do you think? Based on Habits, Relationships, and Culture what kind of person could you reasonably anticipate you will be in the future? How about your children or that person you are dating? How would you describe who they will likely become?
Most likely you have unearthed a mix of things you are both excited about and concerned about. Celebrate what needs celebrating and change what needs changing. And don’t wait too long.
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