The Christian Journey

To My Children – If I Die While You’re Young

There are just three of you at the moment – seven, five, and a little brother due around Christmas.  Maybe there will be a four of you one day.  I hope so and I’m writing this already thinking of you.

Some people will say that it is morbid to write this to you (or at least your future selves – you’re too young to read it and understand it now anyway).  I think the people that would say that haven’t embraced the fact that none of us are getting out of this alive.  We all come into this world with an expiration date and none of us know what it is.

I could make some guesses about why this is important to me – too many walks through cemeteries as a kid with my mom, having a profession where I directly or indirectly experience death more than most, having a particular type of ministry where dealing with violence has been a reoccurring theme (though I think that part is getting better), or simply loving you so much and wanting so much goodness for you in a world of uncertainty.

Probably all of those things and more are in the mix for why writing this to you is important.  More than anything though, I just love you, delight in you, and in some way want to be able to take care of you, no matter what.

The first thing I want to tell you is that the God expressed and revealed in Jesus Christ saved my soul and keeps on saving me every day.  If I’m gone, find people whose faith is grounded in the same experience to explain what that means.  Find people who at the core of their faith and the core of their soul is an experience that says, “All I know is I was blind and now I see!”  “I was broken and now I’m healed!”  “I was lost and now I’m found!”  Plenty of people, even “Christians,” view or evaluate Christianity like one would a set of philosophical propositions or a cultural framework for a community of people – and they completely miss it.  Our faith certainly needs to seek understanding, but Christianity is, because Jesus changes people’s lives; not because of really great ideas about Jesus or certain theological propositions, but because Jesus actually changes people; giving them life, and healing, and freedom, and purpose.  To make any sense of this I think you’ll either have to experience it yourself or talk to someone who has and is experiencing it.  I don’t know where you’ll be spiritually when you read this and I know it could sound strange, but the last two thousand years of history would not be anywhere near the same if this wasn’t true (maybe read THIS).  I hope and pray that you will know the God who is saving me.

I know that if I’m gone, it will leave a hole in your life, but I also trust that God will give you ways to fill it.  There is so much to be learned from Jesus as he gave his life up for us on the cross, and one of those things speaks to how God will take care of you if I’m gone.  Towards the end of John 19, when Jesus is hanging on the cross in the midst of an excruciating death, he looks down and sees his mother and the disciple John, the one he loved like a brother.  In the midst of all his suffering, he thought of them and what they were losing that day – a mother losing her son and a man losing his best friend.  He called out to his mother and said, “This man is now your son.” and to John, “She is now your mother.”  They were both losing something irreplaceable that day, but Jesus gave them each other – a son and a mother.  If I go, I believe God will do the same thing for you.  If you pay attention and stay open to it, God will put other “fathers” in your life that will love you, be an example to you, be a mentor to you, teach you the way of Jesus, guide you and grieve with you.  Never give into the lie that you are all alone.  Reach out.  Let people in.  Tell worthy men what you need.  Just like Mary and John needed each other, maybe they will need you too.  God will watch out for you, will hear your prayers, and bind up your broken heart.

Before I knew you, longevity never had much appeal in my mind.  Now that you’re in the world, I hope I am around for so many things – to offer you love and strength through all the big and bright days, the dark nights, and the quiet afternoons.  Life though is uncertain and we all come into it with an expiration date and none of us know what it is.  There is so much more I would love to tell you than I could ever write down.  Just know that I love you, God loves you, and nothing could ever change that.


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