The Gift of Anger
Anger has gotten a bad rap – undeservedly so.
Anger, like all other human emotions it is an important gift. Like all other emotions, it’s how we handle it that makes it good or bad.
I’m sure the majority of people at some point have witnessed the damage that out-of-control, explosive, burn-everything-down and rip-everyone-to-shreds anger can do. Maybe when the red, screaming, mental fog of rage cleared, you found out that it was you who had lost yourself to your darker demons – waking up in grief to discover the wreckage of the storm your own soul left behind. No one needs to be convinced that that form of anger is not a gift to anyone.
Equally damaging but often more socially acceptable is the type of anger that isn’t explosive, but implosive. To everyone on the outside things might look calm, but on the inside of the passively angry person, anger explodes inward in a broiling mess of seething resentment – sometimes at another person, but almost always at one’s own self. Implosively angry people rot from the inside out and the rot almost always finds ways to undermine and erode the relationships around it.
No one needs to be told that these expressions of anger are bad or dangerous, but that is not all there is to anger. When held rightly it is a gift. In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, he advised them, “In your anger do not sin.” He clearly didn’t say, “If you’re angry, you’re wrong.” He said, when you are angry don’t let it lead you to doing something wrong – which could either be an inappropriate explosion or implosion.
Anger is a gift that shouldn’t be dismissed. Anger is an important voice inside of us that tells us that “something is wrong” or “something important needs to be protected.” When we learn to listen to the voice of anger and handle it well, it keeps us safe, it protects us. It helps us find the courage to say, “No” or “This is wrong” or “That’s not right.” Anger leads us to set clear and healthy boundaries with people. Anger helps us recognize our own value and worth. After all, if you aren’t worth protecting or treating right, you’re not very valuable are you?
One of the very best gifts of anger is that it tells you who your friends and true family are. Anyone who really cares about you, who thinks you are important, valuable, and worth protecting will get angry when someone hurts you or mistreats you. If you are abused, mistreated, attacked, endangered or simply wronged and the people in your life don’t get angry, then you’re not important to them or someone they see as worth protecting. You’re not worth their anger.
Anger is a good and important voice inside of us. What we do with what that voice tells us is the difference between good and bad, appropriate and inappropriate, wise and foolish actions.
I actually think most of the damage caused by anger doesn’t come from people listening to the voice of anger too much, but not enough. If it persistently tries to tell us something important and we continue to ignore it and push it away, eventually it might start screaming – or possibly worse, go silent.
Listen to the voice of anger, it is a gift.
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