[This one came to me while I was helping a friend navigate a difficult relationship.]

Let say there is someone in your life who is verbally and/or emotionally hurting you. You get so frustrated, hurt, fed-up sometimes that you feel like you are going to break, snap, or throw in the towel. You can’t change the other person, you can only change you. So what can you do? What do you do when you can’t change the other person and you don’t want to or you can’t quit, leave, or make the other person go away – but they push you to the edge sometimes?

Pretend you have a bucket that you always carry around with you. Mr. or Mrs. Nasty is always dumping nasty stuff into it by saying or doing things that hurt you. Over time, and sometimes it doesn’t take much time at all, your bucket gets full. It’s heavy, it smells bad, and a part of you would love to get rid of it (the relationship) but you either can’t or don’t want to. What can you do? Do you have any options besides misery and quitting?

In fact you do. Here are three things that you have the power to do with your bucket without getting rid of it.

1) Poke Holes in It – Set up a regular counseling sessions with a professional counselor who will teach you skills that will help you poke holes in your bucket that will allow the nasty stuff to flow through your bucket better and better and hold onto the good stuff. As your bucket starts filling up, remember to practice these skills.

2) Empty It – When your bucket starts getting full take it to a counselor, a pastor, or a support group and empty it out in a safe and responsible space.

3) Take it Away from the Nasty Spigot for a while – take a walk, take a hike, go exercise, chop wood, go watch a movie, hop on the bus and see where it takes you, enroll in a pottery class a couple nights a week, start taking Spanish classes, etc. Mr. or Mrs. Nasty will have a harder time filling up your bucket as fast when you are not next to the spigot. This will also give you time to practice Number 1 before your bucket gets too full.

You get to choose what you do with your bucket!