In the last post I briefly explained Bernard of Clairvaux’s four degrees of love.

I love this model, not just because it expresses how Christians grow in faith and love, but more so how God meets us where we are and leads us toward being more free, alive, and mature human beings. Though it is so far from the depths of God’s love, God meets us at the shallow place of loving God for our own sake. It’s like God invitingly says to all of us, “Even though you don’t really understand love like I do and don’t understand my love and kindness and character, at least love me for your own sake.” From there we begin this journey with God where God is constantly meeting us where we are and inviting us onwards.

I was recently reminded of Clairvaux’s degrees of love or stages of faith when I realized that my love had grown cold for some of the people that I minister to when I found out how little they love me. I saw this in me and heard a voice inside of me saying, “That’s not why you got into this is it, so that people would love you?” It was the voice of God. The answer of course was no. I’m sure there were self-aggrandizing motives and self-centered motives of “making my life matter” mixed in, but I began this adventure (sometimes a seeming misadventure) because I really love God, believe in what God has done and is doing in the world, and want to give my life to God’s purposes.

The coldness in my heart was showing me that I was getting off course – falling back into loving God for my own sake instead of loving God for God’s sake. This also meant that at least part of me had drifted backwards into loving people and expecting them to love me in return instead of loving them regardless of whether they care about me or not because God loves me, I love God, and God loves them.

The Christian journey is rarely taken in a straight line. Love and motivations get off track and we fall backwards sometimes. I am grateful for the clarity offered by Clairvaux’s degrees of love, I am grateful to the people and circumstances God has used to help me see the places I have to grow, and I am grateful to the God who patiently leads me onwards.