Female Attractiveness
There is a very old lie. It goes all the way back to the beginning. It is a lie that says God can’t be trusted. God is holding out on me. God wants to control me and keep me from being happy. My life will be better and brighter if I go my own way related to God. Maybe I’ll reject God completely or maybe I’ll just be the one that makes the decisions but let God be my helper and advisor. Things will be better that way.
It is an age-old lie and it has led to oceans of heartache.
God is not out to get you or control you. God made you for a purpose. God loves you. God has given you freedom, because only free creatures can really trust and love God in return. Your God-given freedom to choose is a central part of the purpose for which you were made. Through the Bible, God’s Spirit, the Church, and the long history of God’s people, God gives us guidance on what is good, right, and true – how to live in ways that are both a blessing to us and a blessing to those around us. We only need to listen and obey. Don’t give into the ancient lie. Listen for God’s guidance and obey. It will bless your life.
Does this seem like a strange opening for this topic? Well, it is, but it is important.
You need to know all of that to hear this well: The Bible has a lot to say about how women can hold and create female attractiveness in ways that are life-giving both to them and to the world around them.
First of all, it needs to be acknowledged that women are powerful. There has been an ideological movement planted, growing, and bearing fruit in our society that has largely led women to walk away from their power and has consequently produced perhaps the most unhappy, lonely, medicated, and unattractive generation of women to ever exist. Historically though, the basis of women’s power has been beauty, wisdom, nurture, and endurance. We will unpack those four in greater depth another time, but it is enough for now to note that female image-bearers of God have great power. It is a great enough power to compete with God over the hearts of men who might fall at their feet and say to her, “Not my will, but yours be done.” Some women will hear that and say, “That sounds nice,” others, “I wish,” others, “I know what that’s like” and still others, “I will resist that in my life.”
So what does the Bible say about how women increase their attractiveness and also hold it well?
First of all, the Bible is far from prudish about sexual attractiveness. Proverbs 3:18-19 says, “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” And then there is a whole book of the Bible, Song of Songs, that is dedicated to celebrating the sexual relationship between a husband and wife.
The Bible teaches that sex is good, but is only good when it is reserved for married people – or that the ideal number of sexual partners is one. Every story of polygamy in the Bible is self-evidently a cautionary tale. Inside the confines of marriage, sex should be celebrated and enjoyed to its fullest. Outside of marriage, sex and sexual relationships should be avoided. Is that a limiting constraint? Yes. Are limiting constraints always negatives? No. There is a right way and a wrong way to parachute, change an electric transformer, spell words, do math, and handle gasoline. Sometimes limiting constraints are not actually limiting, but life and limb preserving and life-giving. Ignoring important limiting restraints can be catastrophic. This is so incredibly true with sex that it would be difficult for us to imagine how much better our world would be if people only had sex with a person they were married to.
What does this say about feminine attractiveness? It says that deliberate sexual attractiveness should be saved and given to only one person. It means that a woman should seek sexual attention only from her husband. When a woman dresses or acts in a way that invites the sexual attention of all men or other men, it demeans and devalues her.
An amusing Proverb (11:22) that illustrates this says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion” or a beautiful woman with modesty inspires respect; immodesty is demeaning.
What does the way you act, talk, and the things you wear say about whose attention and the type of attention you are seeking?
Sexual attractiveness is not the same as physical attractiveness though. Feminine physical attractiveness and beauty is a gift to everyone who experiences it. I have a four year-old daughter who is cute and pretty in ways my sons could never be. Her beauty is a gift. I have an eleven year old daughter who wakes up early in the morning, gets dressed, puts her hair up, and sits cross legged in a chair and reads her Bible by lamplight. That scene is beautiful. She is beautiful and that beauty is a gift. A lady in our church who is six months pregnant stood in our living room the other night with a pretty dress on, happiness in her eyes and her hands resting under her round belly. That scene was a beautiful gift for everyone who saw it. I helped a female friend of mine with something recently and with sincerity and appreciation in her eyes, she said, “Thank you.” It was a beautiful gift. There are several older ladies who are treasures in my life. I think they are beautiful in a lot of ways, but I think their hands are beautiful in particular – age spots and worn with age from years of loving and serving the people around them. They are a beautiful gift. I got to see one of my friend’s daughters all dressed up for her first dance. She was beautiful and a gift to see. All of these moments of beauty are physical, but they are not sexual. The physical attractiveness or beauty of a woman can change the room the way a bouquet of flowers does or a beautiful painting. They inspire, heal, and elevate.
How can you talk, dress, and act so that the world around you is inspired, healed, and elevated by your God-given feminine beauty?
The most powerful and consistent insight that the Bible gives us on how women can hold and create female attractiveness in ways that are life-giving both to them and to the world around them is by prioritizing spiritual beauty over physical beauty.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
This is a rich bit of insight with a lot to teach us. The Bible gives a lot of value and attention to outward adornment – and in a positive way. The word used here for adornment is the Greek word Kosmos, which means ordered. If this were Hebrew the word would be labash, which means to cloth or adorn. Labash enhances what is there. It adds to the attractiveness.
Knowing that, we can see that the insight the Apostle Peter is sharing here means that the origin or source of a woman’s beauty should not be superficial and shallow. Outward adornments – hair, clothing, jewelry, etc. – can enhance the goodness of what is there, but should not be the source of what is there.
Peter is saying, the source of a woman’s beauty should come from the inside. One source of beauty is deep and rich and grows over time, one source of beauty is shallow, fleeting, and fades over time. What is on the surface should only labash – enhance or adorn – what is already there.
What about this “gentle and quiet spirit” business? Is that an attempt to demean women? Far from it. Gentle means strength or power under restraint. No one calls a baby gentle. They are just weak. Only strong things can be gentle. What is a woman’s strength? What it has always been – wisdom, beauty, nurture, and endurance. All four of these powers can be built up or neglected; used to build up or destroy. A woman can use her wisdom, beauty, nurture, and endurance to give life and to heal or to twist and destroy.
“Quiet spirit” does not mean silent – or in this case that women should be silent. It means depth of presence; something similar to calm, deep waters – that comes from a closeness with God. The contrast to this would be someone – in this case, a woman – who is volatile, unstable, unsteady, shallow, immature, lacking depth of insight, presence, and judgment.
The world is blessed by the presence of the one, and cursed by the presence of the other.
Let your spiritual beauty enliven and shape your physical beauty. Let the presence and Spirit of God be what you build your attractiveness on. Let your beauty draw attention to God and attract people to Him.
Make this your goal and you will shine like a bright light in a dark world.
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